Personal musings

“What do you mean personal musings? What about the dream-chasing series you were talking about?!”

I know, and it’s coming! The first two posts are almost drafted and ready to go up next week, but then all this “life” stuff reared its head and forced me to take a moment to breathe.

But we can consider this part of the “dream chasing” series as well, because it is a reminder that even when dreams are coming true, sacrifices have to be made and some bittersweet changes are going to happen.

Like for me in about, oh, thirty-six hours.

I’ve mentioned my partner on this blog before, but as of this weekend, he’ll be much more than that. He’ll be my live-in partner. That’s right – the big step! And I couldn’t be happier about it. No more long trudges through the cold temps to get to each others’ places; no more having to schedule seeing each other around other things; no more having to cook for myself. Nope, going forward it’ll be just him and me getting in each other’s way and driving ourselves crazy. I can’t wait!

But then cleaning my room and realised that tonight is the last night with my bed – since he has the bigger, better one. It flared a moment of anxiety and some sadness that it was going away.

Silly, right? It’s a bed. It’s an inanimate object I spend a few hours with each day and hate to leave in the morning.

But for me, that bed was the mark of another big change. When my last relationship ended, I went out and bought that bed because I wanted it. My first big purchase that was all about me. It felt great! It was the first step of four years of soulsearching and deep introspection – you know, the big questions: who I am as a person, who I want to be, what I want to be when I grow up.

Losing the bed feels a bit like losing a symbol of that discovered independence, courage, strength, and everything else I went through during that time.

(Ignore the fact that if I can salvage the frame, it’ll sit in my parents’ basement until the time comes when we can use it for a guestroom. That’s not the point of this post!)

Instead I’m choosing to focus on what the change means: a new kind of independence, with a new support system, making new memories, and introspection about completely new dimensions of my life. I’m striking out on a whole new adventure, and while it’s scary and I’m leaving some things behind, I’m gaining so much more. Including a new bed.

I guess, in a way, it’s fitting that another major change is coming into my life and I greet it with a new bed. A new era = new dreams.

Cheers to the old and to all the next steps.

 

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